


Mirrors Are Kryptonite

by SamuelJames



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Gen, Mentions of self-harm, Spoilers for S02E02, body issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 04:52:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamuelJames/pseuds/SamuelJames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A diary entry from Rae set after S02E02. (Vague to avoid spoilers).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mirrors Are Kryptonite

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Mirrors Are Kryptonite  
> Character: Rae Earl  
> Rating: 18+  
> Summary: A diary entry from Rae set after S02E02.  
> Spoilers: Spoilers for S02E02 which has only been on 4OD thus far hence the vague unhelpful summary  
> Warning: Discussion of body issues and mentions of self-harm.  
> Disclaimer: My Mad Fat Diary is the property of its creators. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> Archiving Information: Please do not archive elsewhere on the net.

Dear Diary,

Life is shit. Finn gets our friends because he's the dumpee and I'm the dumper. At least according to Chloe. Like it even matters when she's off being slutty with her slutty new friends. I'm probably not supposed to call her that with girl power and all but the Spice Girls can fuck off, they'd never in a million years let someone like me in their group. I'm not talking to Archie either, don't even know who he is any more. Don't think he does either but I trusted him so I guess that makes me stupid.

I can't skip college so I have to avoid Finn which is hard. I saw him today and he looked so sad but better that then vomiting on me if he saw me naked. I mean he knows I'm fat, the whole world can see it. Black clothes might be slimming but they don't work bloody miracles. He even saw me at the swimming pool but that was before he was my potential cherry popper. If I can't even stand to look at myself naked, what chance have I got of ditching my virgin status? I wanted it to be Finn, wanted to see if his tongue compared to his thumb down there. My own fingers don't compare to his sex wizard ways and I get all tingly there when I remember the way he looked at me and the way he kissed me as he did it. Fingering is about as far as I'll get unless someone comes up with a way to have sex fully clothed.

It's no big deal to Chloe but she wouldn't get it and she's barely speaking to me. If my tits didn't need scaffolding for support I could let Finn see them. I take it back about the vomiting cos he's too polite but he's probably never been with someone whose tits have stretch marks. He once said I was the most normal one of the gang but even one page of my diary would tell him otherwise.

I miss him so much and I dream about him, the good kind of dreams. They aren't all sex dreams, just sometimes I'm holding his hand or he's smiling at me. I could starve myself for weeks and still not be anywhere close to Chloe or Izzy's size. I know Izzy wishes she needed a bigger bra but Chop doesn't seem to mind and she probably freaks out like a normal person amount about stuff. She's never hurt herself because she's stressed. I haven't done it again but I've binged once. Didn't even enjoy it, nothing tasted as good as I remembered.

College is shit now and it'd be easier if Finn had never kissed me so I could at least still talk to him. I've lost a mate not just a boyfriend but I couldn't have taken off my clothes to keep him no matter how magic those fingers are. Kester thinks I should try liking myself but he gets to go home and I have to be me day after fucking day. He told me it's a process but I guess I'm stuck at the starting line. I genuinely don't understand confident people, like are they all pretending or what?

Maybe if I'd been one of life's beautiful people I could stand to look in the mirror but I'm me, the fat virgin. He's an eleven and I'm a four, that's probably against the rules of nature or something. He might be sad for a while or think he is but he'll find some perky-titted ten and then when Finn's happy again, maybe the others will talk to me.


End file.
